[Cagdu] FW: Dog Dictionary

[Ken Volonte]

I liked "waste basket" the best.  Ken liked some of the other words, but 
what does he know of life.  Edison
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "tina thomas " <tinadt at sbcglobal.net>
To: <cagdu at nfbcal.org>
Sent: Thursday, December 24, 2009 6:16 AM
Subject: [Cagdu] FW: Dog Dictionary


> Subject: Dog Dictionary
>
> LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your
> person where you want him/her to go.
>
> DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest
> room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
>
> DROOL: A liquid which, when combined with sad eyes, forces humans to give
> you their food. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and 
> get
> the drool on the human.
>
> SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other dogs, similar to the human
> exchange of business cards.
>
> GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbours put out once a week to test
> your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid 
> off
> with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine 
> wrappers
> to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
>
> BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body
> fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash
> out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then 
> swerves
> and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.
>
> DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants them
> in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the
> person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
>
> THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans 
> remain
> amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of 
> the
> danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and
> following at their heels.
>
> WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy
> wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the
> house before your person comes home.
>
> BATH : If you find something especially good to roll in, humans get 
> jealous,
> and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake
> only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.
>
> LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit!," especially if your
> person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before 
> black-tie
> events.
>
> BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a
> fresh cup of coffee or tea.
>
> GOOSE BUMP: A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the regular bump
> doesn't get the attention you require ... especially effective when 
> combined
> with the sniff. See above.
>
> CHILDREN: Short humans of optimal petting height. Standing close to one
> assures some good petting. When running, they are good to chase.  If they
> fall down, they are comfortable to sit on.
>
> LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without 
> restriction.
> The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, 
> a
> human will love you in return.
>
>
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