[Cagdu] FW: A guide dog's new years resolutions.

Thu Jan 3 19:26:44 PST 2008

Subject: A guide dog's new years resolutions.

From: Jenine Stanley.

A Guide Dogs New Year's Resolutions 

In 2008, I resolve to be more patient with my human about the whole food
issue. She is convinced dogs cannot tell time. This is definitely a hurdle
to
overcome, but I will resist the temptation to shove my nose under her arm
while she is banging away at that computer or making the human breakfast or
some
other inane task having nothing to do with feeding a dog. I will resist the
temptation to pull her down the street from the bus stop to our house at
light
speed, simply because a meal awaits me at journey's end. Despite not knowing
when I may next be fed, I will resist the temptation to reach subtly for a 
morsel of food left unattended. All to better myself during the coming year.

In 2008, I resolve to conquer my anger and passive aggression toward my
human. This will involve not ignoring that pole just to her right as we exit
the
bus. Oh, she did correct me for avoiding a seat with a bum in it on said bus
and made me show it to her, but I will be the greater being and let it go
in future. I will also strive not to sigh loudly and make the "F--- You"
face when she corrects me in public. It is quite effective though I must be
again,
the greater being. 

In 2008, I resolve to perfect the skill of navigating a hotel fraught with
other dogs wearing harnesses in the guise of guiding and blind people with
long
sticks. I will admit that my skill is already at a superior level, hence my
frustration and subsequent verbal outbursts, but I shall attempt to quell
this
side of me in favor of telepathic powers to learn the layout of the venue
before we even set foot on its grounds. I am, after all, perfectly capable
of
this am I not? 

In 2008, I resolve to be less solicitous of attention from others. Why on
Earth would I even consider this? Well, it comes down to the correction. If
I
wish to minimize these nuisances to my dignity, I must ignore the pleas of
the public, my fans and friends, for my attentions. 

In 2008, I resolve to seek help for my obvious issues with dirt. There has
to be some 12-step program somewhere for dogs who love dirt and dirty items.
I'd wager there is even a special subgroup for cat box issues. Enough said
on this resolution. 

Finally, in 2008, I resolve to hold my human accountable for all of the
resolutions I have heard her make on this New Year's Eve, especially those
involving
food. This may mean breaking some of my own, but as is the duty of a guide
dog, I am selfless when it comes to well, guiding, my human's life path. 

Jenine Stanley
Power Corrupts.
Absolute power is actually kind of neat.

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