[Cagdu] For Our Pets

[Roger Oberholzer]

 To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet
nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain
your food. 

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is not the
object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and
cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to
claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I
must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years
--canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain
About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay
off the furniture.
That's why they call it "fur"niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.
4. To you, they are an animal.

To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short,
hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because
they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.



 
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